When I was driving to work the other day, the radio DJs were talking about a new (completely scientific) internet poll conducted by one of the kajillion parenting web sites. This survey was about being distracted by your kids when driving, and came to the conclusion that having a DVD player in the car may actually save not only your sanity, but also your life.
According to the respondents (moms), 62% admitted that they had driven over the line or come close to a crash while being distracted by what their kids were doing in the back seat. My immediate reaction was to that the other 40% were either lying or had never actually driven their children anywhere.
Kids driving you crazy from the backseat is a practically a requirement of parenthood. I know my brothers and I tried hard to make sure our parents didn't miss out. This is part of the reason I like my short but daily commute to work...I do it alone.
For instance, today, when we were driving home from a quick trip to Walmart (or as Blake says, "Hallmart), I was speeding (literally) along the highway when I heard,
"Mooooom! Stop him. He's eating my brownie!!!!!"
"How did he get your brownie?" (He moves fast, but he's strapped in and his reach isn't that long.)
"I gave it to him so he could have a bite. But now he's eating the WHOLE THING."
OK. Sharing. That's a noble act. Maybe not done in the smartest way in this instance, but...
"Mooom. HE'S EATING IT. DO SOMETHING!"
"I'm driving 100 km an hour...do you want me to crash the car?"
"MAKE. HIM. STOP."
"Blake, give your sister her brownie."
"No."
"Faith, why don't you ask him?"
"Mooom. He's EATING IT. He ate the whole thing and you didn't stop him!!!" Cue crying.
This is when I heard Blake say, "All gone." Then I started to laugh. I know. Totally unparentlike...we're supposed to keep our shit together and put on the SERIOUS face for stuff like this. But I couldn't help it. This sent Faith over the edge.
"You don't care about me! He at my brownie!" (Translation: This is the end of the world! The worst day of my life! You don't love me!)
That's when it just got surreal. The following 10 minutes to the house were literally the following--play, rewind, repeat:
Blake: "All gone."
Faith: "Will you make him STOP SAYING THAT!"
"All gone."
"Make. Him. STOP."
"All gone."
You get the idea.
Miraculously, I managed to arrive home safely through semi rush hour traffic and still maintained a sense of humour. I was even generous enough to make brownies for dessert.